has made a date to meet Pug Smith there, and Pug is anxiously awaiting the
time when he shall come. At last he comes.)
|im (patting Pug on the back)—Ah! Professor, you have performed your
duty nobly and 1 am well pleased with your conduct in reporting Poorsub. I
have had the pleasure of shipping him from this dear old burg. While in my
office and after I had told him of his dismissal, he attempted to give me his
opinion of myself and the whole college in general, and how much he thought
of the basis on which it was run. This gave me an excuse to do what I have
long desired, namely: ejecting him from the office on the point of my boot.
Indeed you have made me happy. Yea, thrice happy.
Pug (bewildered)—But why the scene in the poker joint? Why was I so
roundly berated by each and every one of you?
Dickey (in a conciliatory manner)—That was merely policy on my part.
I knew the others were not in favor of reporting such actions, and it was to my
advantage to agree with them. Ah! Professor, you have a great deal to learn
of the ways of the world. Follow in my steps and be two-faced. Then will
you succeed. 1 would not have told this to any other than you. But since
you were the instrument of my happiness, I have told it to you. Ask anv
favor of me and I will grant it, even though it involves getting a hair cut for
Pug (joyfully) —Master, please grant me the pleasure of being in your presence
three more minutes each day. Words that fall from your lips are even as jewels
and precious stonesto me, and being in your presence will be sufficient recom¬
pense for any labors that 1 may have to perform.
Dickey (patronizingly) — Even though you are a great bore to me, yet I have
given my word, and a child of the tribe of Dickey never breaks his word, there¬
fore it will have to be.
(Pug falls on his knees at Dickey's feet as the curtain goes down.)
The Freshman's Soliloquy
Tell me not in football signals
That a straight play I must make,
For that senior tacklings furious.
So I'd rather work a fake.
A Little Anachronistic.
Dr. Pep: While we are discussing the labors of Hercules, will you name one of the
twelve, Mr. Robinson?"
Robinson: "He captured two saddled horses that had gotten away from the yankees
daring the Civil War, and rode one of them to Cuba where he greatly assisted Admiral