Oxford College Life,
O. H. Wesley, '10.
Jim Dickey—Monarch of all he surveys.
Pug Smith—An ardent follower of Dickey.
Madam Peed—He of Trigonometric fame.
Baldy Pep—The man with the hairless head.
Zeke Turner—A has-been student in Germany.
Hard-Luck Poorsub—One despised by Dickey.
Place: A room in the Hash-house, meagerly furnished. The lamp is turned
low, and it is i I 30 at night. Poorsub is the only occupant of the room. He
has just finished a letter to Jemimah Simpkins, his fair lady.
Poorsub (soliloquizing)—I have just written my adored Jemimah that I
will be up to see her Sunday night. As I have no permission, I will have to
slip away. Slipping off to Atlanta has been overlooked in the past, but were
I caught up with, I would no longer have to eat hash and grits in this house.
It would be home and mother for me. I am cordially hated by our beloved
president, and he is eagerly seeking a chance to ship me. He would give any¬
thing for a chance, yes, he would even give two of his lengthy locks of hair to
"fire" me consequently I will have to be exceedingly crafty to make my trip
without being caught up with. He gets out his bandana handkerchief and ties
up a change of socks and linen, preparatory to making the trip. He blows out
the light and retires.
(Place: Midway depot. It is two o'clock at night. In the distance can
be heard the rumbling of the approaching train. Our friend Pug is creeping
stealthily from tree to tree.)
Pug (to himself)—Ah! if I could only see some college boy get off the train,
then would my future be bright. I would give anything for a chance to distin¬
guish myself in the eyes of dear Dr. Dickey, and he would be glad to ship a boy
for slipping off to Atlanta without permission. (The train has stopped at
the depot.) Pug sees Poorsub step off. He approaches and taps Poorsub on
Pug (in thundering tones)—At last 1 have caught you! Where have you
Poorsub—Nowhere. 1 was only crossing from the other side of the train.
Pug—You lie, base villain, you have slipped away to Atlanta and are just
Poorsub—You are mistaken, Professor.
Pug (in elevated tones)—Ah! no. Not me. For a great many am I, and am
never mistaken. 1 am "Sherlock Holmes" in disgust. I perceive your hand¬
kerchief and in it is a change of collars and socks, hence it is easy for me to
deduce that you have been on a trip. 1 see the frightened look in your eyes and
it tells me that you went without permission. Now is the chance to prove my¬
self worthy of my position. Many long nights have 1 sought to catch you in
this nefarious conduct; at last I have you in my power.