gested that the reader watch his neighbor, and then do something entirely different.
If you are rich, you will very likely gain a reputation for originality, and for being
eccentric, and will be much sought after by the smart set.
If you are poor, you may be called vulgar. The prohibitive price of this book,
however, will prevent it from falling into the hands of the latter class, so my
readers may have no hesitancy in following the above formula.
At all swagger affairs where roast goose is served, the guests are furnished with
rubber coats, and in addition, the guests immediately to the right and left of the
carver with armor plate, as the impact of a fat goose flying off a platfer while in
the process of carving and coming into contact with a guest, is terriffie.
This rule does not apply to Jewish affairs, however, as they have, by long
experience, reduced the eating of a goose to a science.
There are no special rules applicable to the eating of other roasts, except to
sound the warning not to sop the bread in the gravy.
The author will not make a separate chapter of vegetables, as they are usually
served with the roast. The spoon should be used wherever possible, avoiding the
use of the knife, except where peas are served. There are special square-cornered
peas now being grown, as it was found very difficult to keep the ordinary pea from
rolling off the knife. Where the old-fashioned garden variety is served, though, it
will be found very convenient to mix them with the mashed potatoes. There is no
more pitiful or harrowing sight than to see some famished diner securing about one
pea in ten in the place they started for, and this can be avoided by the observance
of the above rule.
General, ordinary horse-sense should govern in the eating of other vegetables
not specifically mentioned here. This, however, should not be interpreted as mean¬
ing stable manners.
Everything should be removed from the table, except the spoon, when the salad
is served. Fingers are used exclusively now, and the spoon is resorted to only to
get what dressing fails to stick to the salad when eaten. Formerly it was proper
to eat lettuce with a fork, but people became too exasperated chasing a piece of
lettuce from one side of the plate to the other, trying to get a foothold, so to speak,
that its use has been entirely abandoned, and the better classes have gone back to
Nature's own tools.
The author regrets to say that he is not qualified to give extensive advice on
this subject, as he, in common with many others, has largely given up the use of
them for reasons that it is not necessary to go into detail. As far as he knows, they
are still being eaten by less enlightened ones in the same old way. If this were a
treatise on the human anatomy instead of on etiquette, he could advance good rea¬
sons why their use should be entirely abandoned.