Just then I saw the letter "O." I said, "Why, that means go."
And I said "What else?" And a voice distinctly said to me
The voice was so audible that it frightened me for a moment,
and I said, "Oh, Lord, is that what you wanted me to come here
for? Why did you not tell me when I was at home, or when I was
on my knees praying?" But His paths are known in the mighty
deep, and His ways are past finding out. On Monday morning,
about four o'clock, I think, I was awakened by the presentation
of a beautiful, white cross—white as the driven snow — similar
to that described in the last chapter. It was as cold as marble.
It was laid just on my forehead and on my breast. It seemed
very heavy; to press me down. The weight and the coldness of
it were what woke me; and as I woke I said: "Lord, I know
what that is. It is a cross."
I arose and got on my knees, and while I was praying these
words came to me: "If any man will come after Me let him
deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me." And I said,
" Lord, help me and I will."
I did not know that I was so unwilling. But the Lord had
showed me when I was at Oakington Camp Meeting in July, 1870.
There was a gentleman there who lived at Espa, Pa. He made
me a good offer, to give me a home in his family, as servant, as
long as I lived, my little girl and myself. He said that his family
was small; only himself and wife, and one son, a beautiful young
man, who was with him at the meeting, and who also, with his
father, urged me to go. He said his house was quite new, newly
fitted up with all the modern improvements, and that he had a
very nice colored man and family on the place, who was his farmer,
and who was a good Christian man, and a local preacher, and that
they held in his own house a holiness meeting once every week, so
that I would not be lonesome; and as he had been asking the Lord
about a person, he felt, and thought, I was the very person that
would suit them, and he wanted me to break up housekeeping and
come to live with them right away. I kept a small room in New
York for myself and little girl.
He was a grand, good man, and talked so very nice, and it did
seem at first glance that it was right I should do so, and I almost
decided to go. But before I did decide, I. spread it before the
Lord, and asked the assistance and direction of His Holy Spirit,