26 CHOICE BITS FROM MARK TWAIN.
" Well, you must get him. Have you got the
tomahawk ? "
" I never thought of such a thing."
" You must get the tomahawk. You must pro¬
duce the Indian and the tomahawk. If Mackenzie's
death can be proven by these, you can then go
before the commission appointed to audit claims
with some show of getting your bill under such
headway that your children may possible live to
receive the money and enjoy it. But that man's
death must be proven. However, I may as well
tell you that the Government will never pay that
transportation and those travelling expenses of the
lamented Mackenzie. It may possibly pay for the
barrel of beef that Sherman's soldiers captured, if
you can get a relief bill through Congress making
an appropriation for that purpose; but it will not
pay for the twenty-nine barrels the Indians ate."
" Then there is only a hundred dollars due me,
and that isn't certain ! After all Mackenzie's travels
in Europe, Asia, and America with that beef; after
all his trials and tribulations and transportation ;
after the slaughter of all those innocents that tried
to collect that bill! Young man, why didn't the
First Comptroller of the Corn-Beef Division tell
me this.? "
" He didn't know anything about the genuine¬
ness of your claim."