Choice bits from Mark Twain, p. 24

22 CHOICE BITS FROM MARK TWAIN.

incendiary beef contract, at last ? We have nothing

to do with beef contracts for the army, my dear

sir."

" Oh, that is all very well—but somebody has got

to pay for that beef. It has got to be paid now, too,

or I'll confiscate this old Patent Office and every¬

thing in it."

" But, my dear sir—"

" It don't make any difference, sir. The Patent

Office is liable for that beef, I reckon ; and, liable

or not liable, the Patent OflSce has got to pay for

it."

Never mind the details. It ended in a fight.

The Patent Office won. But I found out something

to my advantage. I was told that the Treasury

Department was the proper place for me to go to.

I went there. I waited two hours-and-a-half, and

then I was admitted to the First Lord of the

Treasury.

I said, " Most noble, grave, and reverend Signor,

on or about the loth day of October, 1861, John

Wilson Macken—"

" That is sufl5cient. sir. I have heard of you.

Go to the First Auditor of the Treasury."

I did so. He sent me to the Second Auditor.

The Second Auditor sent me to the Third, and the

Third sent me to the First Comptroller of the

Corn-Beef Division. This began to look like