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Choice bits from Mark Twain

(1885?)

p. 23

THE GREAT BEEF CONTRACT. 21
ceased, contracted with the General Government to
furnish to General Sherman the sum total of ihirtv
barrels of beef—"
Well, it was as far as I could get. He had
nothing to do with beef contracts for General
Sherman either. I began to think it was a curious
kind of a Government. It looks somewhat as if they
wanted to get out of paying for that beef. The
following day I went to the Secretary of the Interior.
I said, " Your Imperial Highness, on or about the
loth day of October—"
" That is sufficient, sir. I have heard of you
before. Go, take your infamous beef contract out
of this establishment. The Interior Department
has nothing whatever to do with subsistence for the
army."
I went away. But I was exasperated now. I
said I would haunt them; I would infest every
department of this iniquitous Government till
that contract business was settled. I would collect
that bill, or fall as fell my predecessors, trying. I
assailed the Postmaster-General; I besieged the
Agricultural Department; I waylaid the Speaker
of the House of Representatives. They had nothing
to do with Army contracts for beef. I moved upon
the Commissioner of the Patent Office.
I said, " Your August Excellency, on or about—"
" Perdition 1 have you got here with your

Permalink: http://pid.emory.edu/ark:/25593/rd21x


1.8.2

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